Just Because It's Christmas (And at Christmas You Tell the Truth)

This Christmas was a rather lovely fast-paced holiday that had me running all over North Texas to celebrate, drink and be merry.

Saturday was spent at my Aunt and Uncle's... and if there was a family with more drama I don't want to meet it. Thankfully I had a wonderful cousin to fill me in on all the juicy details I quickly spilled to my mom as soon as we got in the car to return home.

Monday was spent at my grandmother's where my dad and I rounded out our party to a solid 3 people. We are a wild bunch. She took us to 8 o'clock candlelight mass thing.

Tuesday was halved between my grandmother's still and my mom's. Mom took me to meet our crazy neighbors and hear their life stories. Fun!

But I think what I love most is the sheer randomness and abundance of some of my gifts. Let's take a look:

-1 bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
-2 lemon zesters, because one just isn't enough
-3 blankets, one strangely furry, one soft and one green
-4 candles of varying yummy scents
-1 bottle of capers
-1 set of tools that smell strangely of oil

I would like to know if anyone received a gift more obscure than some of these. Just try.

Oh the thoughts that race through my head. Prepare yourself as I don't think I can hold these in for any future posts.

1. I just watched "Hairspray" and I don't believe I could have enjoyed it more. But what is most ironic is that it reminded me of Spring Sing. And for those of you who don't know, I was costume designer of Chi Omega Pi/Delta Gamma Rho' s "Fellowship of the Rings" Spring Sing event in 2005. We won first place beating Ju Go Ju and Ko Jo Kai. So basically I won. Me. Back to Hairspray- so wonderful and cute. My favorite part was the crazy mom sprinkling holy water on Penny (Amanda Bynes) yelling "Devil Child. Devil Child." That also brought back memories of Spring Sing. But the songs are so catchy and fun. I got up and danced around my living room. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was because it was fun. I like to think I danced off my Taco Bell.

2. The lady in front of me at the Taco Bell drive-thru bought my dinner with only a note of "Merry Christmas." Granted it was only $2.98 but I was so touched that she would think of this that I'm going to buy the person behind me at Starbucks their drink next time I'm there. So tomorrow.

3. Whilst "Hairspray" is fun, it has a nice message of integration. And this also brings me back to Harding. I wonder as they sing "You Can't Stop the Beat" every year in the Benson if they think about integration and I wonder if Harding was for or against it. I like to think against all odds that they would have been for it. Sometimes it's good to be liberal and change the worldviews of people. Just because something has been doesn't mean that it's right and people forget that all the time. They think being conservative aligns them with God since they want prayer in school and God left in the Pledge of Allegiance. As far as I'm concerned, sure go for it. But don't forget everyone else either. Just because they are whatever... not your issue. Move on to bigger pastures. Like finding me a job (contact me for a resume).

4. I've been thinking about my classic Church of Christ upbringing. I have two stories that I think are the crux of any C of C childhood. 1.) It was 7th grade and someone asked me what I "was" (as in Methodist, Catholic, etc.). I said "Christian" because that was the logical answer. He kept asking over and over since I would give the right answer. But I didn't know any other answer. My teacher came the rescue and explain that I was Church of Christ and we simply called ourselves Christian. 2.) It was 5th grade and my teacher was playing a trivia game. I had answered the Christmas flower question (Answer: poinsettia) and my solo follow-up question was "Whose Birthday do we celebrate on Christmas Day?" I didn't know!!! No one had ever told me. When I didn't have an answer Mrs. Sipes, the evil lady, looked at my like I was stupid- which wasn't true. It was just that she was Methodist and her parents told her early on that it was supposedly Jesus' birthday. Mine never did. Apparently his birth has not been verified per se on December 25th and everyone knows that day was simply merged with a pagan holiday (for which I applaud the pagan idea of gift giving) for appearances. I lost the game and the respect of my teacher. I blame my Mom for never telling me.

5. This was longer than anticipated, enjoy.

It's 100% Official

I am a graduate of the University of North Texas.

I have my undergraduate degree in Journalism with an emphasis in Public Relations with a minor in English.

Go Mean Green!
(That is the most school spirit I will ever have.)

The Last Week- Not Unlike The Last Supper

"KALI! WRITE SOMETHING!

Like... an indepth post about college and how much it sucked. but the graduation ceremony will probably suck more." -Krystle Boise

Well since Krys is so wonderfully adept at putting words together she basically summed everything up. Like many, I have no problems discussing my feelings for Harding University, college and UNT. I think I will take a year by year approach of my college life

Year 1- I was excited. I really liked my comforter. Second semester I wanted to leave HU but thought that I was too invested to leave. After debating for a year and taking electives for a semester, I picked Public Relations as my major the last day of freshman year.

Year 2- Going to Italy, no Greece, no Italy... actually it was Greece. I couldn't make up my mind. Still did not enjoy HU, but had to stay to go to Greece. Greece was alright. I really enjoyed riding camels.

Year 3- Should I graduate early? Maybe? No? Too much work? Yes. Sevahn almost died and had to be rushed to Houston to live. I sent her a care package. My hair was bright red but my chapel checked hated her life and turned me in. I didn't have a Bible class due to a loophole I found. Sev left, Amber and Kelley graduated. Guess I'm coming back. Guess not. "I will never set foot on this campus again if I can help it."

Year 4- Looks like UNT. My roommates hate me. I move. My roomates like me. I stay. I'm taking stupid classes to make up for transferring so late. I work at BCBG and really like the discount. I have an internship, is it good? Probably not. My French teacher is ugly and has bad teeth and terrible clothes and yells a lot. I don't go- mistake.

Year 4.5 (summer)- I find a French course online. Take a lot of classes. Who would think that the lazy Grad assist would actually call the doctor to see if I was there? Not me. Mistake. I talk to the dean. Story of my life.

Year 5- I have my own apartment and cats. I get a promotion. Then I quit. Projects Projects Projects. "Krys can I have you send me more CCA stuff?" I need a job to support my Starbucks runs.

Graduation- I really hope this is fast so we can get out of there and drink mimosas and have brunch. It's not like I'm actually getting my diploma then anyways. I'm walking for two reasons: 1. My grandmother would kill me if I didn't, and I didn't make it this far to be killed at the end, 2. I figured if I walked then I could send out invitations and people would send me money. So far I have $30. This has not covered my overhead cost of invitations.

Graduation is at 9 a.m. and I have to be there at 8. I will be waking up around 6 a.m. on a Saturday to recieve a blank piece of paper and be assaulted by crazy aunts, drunk uncles and fathers and lots of food.

My entire college experience, climaxing at the graduation, sounds like a terrible holiday gathering that would take more than a mimosa and a handful of xanaxs to tackle.

Happy Graduation all!

Funny!

This is one of the more enjoyable commercials I have ever seen. Sadly we here in the U.S.A have too short of attention spans and thus we will never see it here.

In steps YouTube.

Please enjoy this and take special pleasure in laughing at the "Babies Everywhere" lady. I know I will.

Thanksgiving

I think it has finally happened: Texas got cold.
Last week at this time it was (I do not lie) almost 90 degrees! Today it is 36 degrees.
Honestly, it the cold came at a perfect time- Thanksgiving. It even snowed at some places- not the ultra swanky Decatur, but hey- I can't have everything.

For the first time in my Thanksgiving history, I enjoyed myself. Here is my story:
I woke up, sick: headache and stomach ache. BLAH. Took a lot of medicane and went back to sleep. At noon I got up and got ready. Mom and I had planned to spend the day together, just the two of us. We had opted out of the traditional turkey and stuffing and cranberries and even the pumpkin pie. Instead we were going to have fresh crab legs and shrimp.
So, the days before Thanksgiving, I called around and found the crab and shrimp at Albertsons! They were going to be open on Thanksgiving day until 4.

I got there at 2. The seafood section was closed.

I was not happy, and I let the store manager know.


I yelled while patiently explaining how I called ahead the previous day to make sure someone would be here. And how I was here 2 hours before close and indeed, the seafood people had left.

Let's just say I got 2.5 pounds of king crab legs (a $30 value) for free. And they were delicious.

So mom and I feasted on crab legs, shrimp, fruit salad, broccoli and cheese casserole and brushetta. We watched a movie and played Rummy-O (Or just Rummy, Rummy Cube, everyone has a different name for it) while drinking cider and wine.

I was supposed to swear off Thanksgiving this year, but if all Thanksgivings go like this, I think I can handle it.

Favorites

Under the guise of "market research," I would very much like to know the following:

What is your favorite Broadway soundtrack?

Maybe you've gotten the pleasure of seeing the show, maybe you haven't- I don't care. I just want to know which one you like the best. If you have only seen the movie version of it, that's fine- go for it!

Please tell me!

I'll give you a few musicals to kick start your mind- feel free to stray from this list. Keep in mind these refer to the Broadway version, not the movie version, where applicable.

-Wicked
-The Lion King
-Mary Poppins
-Chicago
-Jersey Boys
-Hairspray
-Cats
-Sweet Charity
-Camelot
-Spamalot

Listen (it's some annoying cartoon someone put together- I couldn't find a video of the song being performed, but it is the song I want you hear) to this great song from Spamalot (sung by David Hyde Pierce) about how to succeed on Broadway while you think about your decision(s).

Ahh, the sweet bliss of a Cold Front

All of a sudden I feel all wintery and nice. I'm wearing a hoodie, hood around my head (it's more emphatic that way), curled on my couch, cat on my chest, watching "Weeds" and drinking wine.

If that doesn't say " I heart winter" then I don't know what does.


And for those of you who haven't read this before: I love (the tv show) Weeds.

Right now I'm slothing off the last assignment that I rushed looking ahead to the next assignment that only promises to suck more of my soul than all the previous ones combined. Bring it on!

For reasons of sanity, I had yet begun a countdown to freedom. I just counted: 39 days.
Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

I must apologize, apparently Northerner's bring the multiple thoughts that assault my head. I'll bring the cohesion next time.

Dear New Ipod,

Hi, how are you? I'm good. I'm excited about our new journey together. I really like that you are silver even though you don't match my other Ipod memorabilia. My bose speaker set will be very happy to know that his friend is back and he is loved.

Hopefully you won't run away again. Or jump into my chai.

I'm going to add some cool new video to you since you are ridiculously large in storage. I can only fill 14 of your 80 gigs, and I really want you to feel special. So I thought I would put in a variety of shows.

What genre do you like? Reality your thing? Cause Project Runway is amazing.
Suspense? I like the Soprano's.
Dark Comedy? Weeds is a riot and edgy.
Old school? Everyone loves Friends!

Really it's your choice. Well, that and I need to learn how to rip DVDs and put them on you.

What about a rousing podcast? Those sound fun.

I just want to be friends.

Love,
Kali

I think I'm dying...

...it's true. I am. I have radiating pain around my transpyloric plane.

I hear doctors love it when patients self-diagnose.

I'm Addicted To the Funnies

I have this wonderful routine. I love routines and what they have to offer. Stability. Solidarity. Chai.

A few times a week (my budget won't allow more) I hop in my car and drive the three mile trek to Starbucks. Parking is rarely good, so I walk an extra ten feet to the door. Life is rough. It's October (in case you live in Texas and couldn't really tell due to the 90 and 80 degree days we are still having) and they have brought in the seasonal products.

"I'd like the Pumpkin Soy Chai, Grande, please."
"What size?"
"That would be a Grande."
"Name?"
"Kali."
scribbles callie
"How are you paying?"
"Starbuck's credit. I'm not sure how much I have left on the Starbucks side, but you could check."
"Alright."
"Thanks."

That's when I look at the seasonal coffee cups and treats. Yum.

"I have a Pumpkin Soy Chai for Kaylee at the bar."
"Thanks."

And that's when I saunter over to the newspaper stand, grab the Dallas Morning News, and go sit outside. It's all a ploy, I sit outside long enough for them to forget about me and run off with the paper.

Muahahaha. Comics you are mine.

Things to Ponder for a Ponderess Day

1. I had a dream last night that I was in Vegas watching a Cirque du Soleil show. I had to watch it because I wanted to see "Across the Universe" and it was the next best thing. Honestly, I think it might be the other way around, but whatever...

But someone was trying to kill me and I had to run all around the theatre, thus ruining my show experience.

How rude.

2. I think I might get another cat, so Igby has a friend to play and boss around.

3. I'm in the process of getting another job. Just a blah job because let's be honest- I need money and I like money. But I'm not going to tell you what it is because it's a little embarrassing. Let's just say that it will be a mindless job. And that is nice.

4. I am getting burned out writing this semester. I have multiple papers dues every week. I'm spent.

5. Along with being spent, I am hungry. But I want Cheesecake Factory stuff. Sadly, Denton does not have a Cheesecake Factory. And I have no money.

In case you were wondering...

And in no particular order:

1. My cat loves mashed potatoes, bruschetta and my tortellini
2. UNT is trying to steal my diploma
3. They have offered me a letter in leu of said diploma
4. I need to brush my teeth
5. Almost missed a test today
6. Think I got food poisoning from a burrito
7. I have way to much due in 17 hours to waste time writing here or brushing my teeth
8. All things mentioned in #7 will still happen
9. My french manicure is beginning to look raunchy
10. I think Weeds is the best show not on network TV
11. My profound thoughts take up more than a line and wouldn't fit this format

Dreams

Everybody has a dream. I am no exception. Some girls dream of being a ballerina, or having a pony or having babies. Not me. My dreams were bigger.

I wanted to be a hand model.

A lady at the mall told me I should be one when I was 11, and ever since then I've thought of it as a nice back up plan for life. Aside from my Barcelona back up plan. One can never have too many back up plans.

But, tragically, my hand modeling dreams have been crushed. The side of my pinkie finger was caught in a tragic battle between metal and magnets. Strong magnets that unexpectedly pulled the key chain around my pinkie to them. My pinkie was an innocent bystander.

Now it has a small red dot memorizing where the tragic event took place.

No one will ever hire me now. It may take years for this blemish to dissipate. No one will hire a washed-up, would-be, hand model then.

I have no dreams.

I wish...

I think it's fair to say that I wish I looked like Hiedi Klum.

I just wish my name wouldn't be Hiedi.

Apologies

I'm sorry everyone. I hadn't realized it was almost 2 weeks since I last updated. But at this moment I'm a little busy and have few creative ideas. But, I can promise that in 2 weeks I will have more time- substantially more time.

That's because on Friday, I quit my job. Rather, I put in my 2 weeks notice. I feel so free and happy. I'm just going to miss my discount. But I am going to love having those 40 hours a week back.

I could go swimming. I haven't worn a bathing suit in around 3 years... maybe 2- but only because 3 sounds rather extreme. I'm just too insecure in my bathing suit to go prancing around with all those other, tanner girls prancing around doing their tan girl thing.

Maybe I could go rollerskating. I was once a pro on my rollerblades. I would win the speed races. "Kali the Athlete!" they would all chant. Alright, maybe that last part wasn't true, but the other was. My only problem was that I couldn't stop. I just ran into things, and once a boy who had fallen in front of me. I bruised his bones. I was intense.

I could also go mountain climbing. That would be out of my zone of activity. I can totally see myself climbing Mt. Everest- without oxygen. Again, I am intense. My little pale self.

Basically, I'm going to have a lot more free time to write witty banter on a regular basis. Pinkie swear.

The One Where Kali Expands

Hello dear readers! So nice to see you again. I hope you've been well since our last chat. I'm hoping more that one of you happened upon my ipod. Just drop it on in the mail. I'll send you a little appreciation gift or something.

Anyways, school began again today. I really love the part of getting a first day of school outfit and getting my nails ready. Coiffing my hair just so. It's a fun ritual. One that I won't miss after this semester.

Interestingly enough the two classes I had the pleasure of attending both require a blog. One will be a professional, my thoughts on communication thoughts, and the other will be an analysis on hip-hop.** I'm all good with the first, it's simply the latter that has my head in a blender. That's fun imagery-no? I don't listen to hip-hop. I'm not sure how I ended up in an African-American Literary class with a focus on hip-hop. My big foray into hip-hop is Sir Mix A Lot. Not too sure, but I don't think that counts. So, I'm thinking my edge is going to be the hip-hop fashion world- and how I don't understand it. Therefore, I will try to assimilate what little I do know and juxtapose that with the rock subcultures such as Grunge, and Punk- and compare their fashion sense. Anyone have a better idea? Or an idea off of this... cause this is all I have. I'm kinda freaking out. We listened to Kanye West today and I was basically the only one who wasn't all "omg! this is so on my ipod!"

Which brings us back to my ipod. Look, I'll put some Kanye on ya if that's what you were missing! And if the person who may be holding my ipod hostage will return it, I'll buy them a Kanye CD. Or some cool hip-hop Adidas (learned that they were part of the culture back in the '80's). I am so on the in. Word to ya brother.

I even sound white when I write all gangsta like.

**I also need names for these new blogs. I'm thinking for my PR blog on communication and what not a play on Marilyn Manson's "Personal Jesus." Therefor it would be "Personal Kali." But I don't think I like that- but I can't think of anything blithey or glib... right now. So, any ideas would be appreciated. And as for the hip-hop blog... I only know the phrases "hip-hop you don't stop" and "mama said knock you out." HELP!

Peace Out.

Well, my Ipod has not returned himself to me. The jerk. I'm moving on in my life like it never happened. I was definitely not shunned by my Ipod. No. Not me. Maybe the creepy girl next door, or the annoying girl in my French class who I would totally eat first in a deserted island situation, but not me.
So, I have had to revamp my big purchase list. It now reads like:
1. Ipod
2. Car stereo with Ipod adapter
3. GPS for my car

If anyone is thinking about what to buy me for a late birthday present... here are a few suggestions.

This is the point in my blog where I would like to invite Apple to comp me my seventh Ipod. Not even kidding. My Ipod history goes a little something like this:
1. Mom looses during a move from Harding to home.
2. Gets sick and dies after my trip to Greece.
3. A bad apple. He didn't live very long.
4. Another bad apple. Apparently they have worked out these "kinks."
5. He got jealous of my relationship with my chai and decided to end his life by jumping in said chai.
6. Ran away after possible neglect and abuse. Not really abuse but maybe I wasn't as kind as I could have been. I think this one was jealous of my cat.

So, Apple? What do you say? If you buy my Ipod I will totally buy a mac next time I buy a computer. Think about it.

Dear Ipod

Please come back to me. I love you. I'll start to put you in your little clue protective sock all the time. I won't leave you in sun ever again. And I'll take off my Broadway playlist if it makes you uncomfortable amongst your friends.

Just come back to me.

The One Where Kali Has A Thought

So, I work for BCBG, right? Well, I just got transferred to the Vista Ridge mall. The last two (2) days I have arrived at work at 7 a.m. to help open this new store. Today was the first official day. Madness.
We had a manager. But due to personal circumstances, she quit- today. Our first day. After being at work for barely over an hour.
So, this is where I begin to think. Maybe I could swing being the manager. It's A LOT of work. This is normally an out of college job. Definitely full time...
...and I'm taking 15 hours next semester.

Am I crazy? It's a great paying job (for me). And another manager from another store suggested me for the position- and surprisingly the District Manager didn't say no. She didn't say yes, but she did say that she wanted to meet with me asap. If for nothing else than for the assistant manager position.

But that's not what I want. As some of you may know, I just got another job (part-time) that pays almost $20 an hour. This makes things interesting- because it is simply a sales job. Not a manager.

Keep in mind- I'm a full time student.

So, am I crazy?

The One Where Kali Has An Important Question

Alright, before I tell everyone here about my new car (well new to me), or my new cat (which is new to me and basically the world), or my new apartment (which is definitely not new, but I love it anyways), I must ask an important question.

If you were a superhero, what would you do?

I have to write an essay in French on this and I have no earthly idea what I should be. So I want to hear your superhero wants. What would your costume be like? Would you wear a cape? I'm thinking not after watching The Incredible. And most important- what would your tragic flaw be? Every superhero must have one.

So, let me hear it.

Edna: It will be bold! Dramatic!
Bob: Yeah!
Edna: Heroic!
Bob: Yeah. Something classic, like, like Dynaguy. Oh, he had a great look! Oh, the cape and the boots...
Edna: [throws a wadded ball of paper at Bob's head] No capes!
Bob: Isn't that my decision?
Edna: Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids.
Bob: Listen, E...
Edna: November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when... his cape snagged on a missile fin!
Bob: Thunderhead was not the brightest bulb...
Edna: Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!
Bob: E, you can't generalize about these things...
Edna: Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! [shouts]
Edna: No capes!

Yay Birthdays!

It's my birthday!

The One Where Kali Has A Birthday part 2

Did you know that in T-minus 5.15 hours it will be my birthday? In case you didn't, I'de also like you to know that I don't mind late birthday presents.
I will never be 21 again. I need a good last meal.

The One Where Kali Has Multiple Thoughts

Thought 1: Well, today is Monday. And (not including today) there are 4 days separating us from my birthday! Are we getting the party supplies out yet? I certainly hope so! I'm turning 22 and nothing will be spared. Well... aside from all the fancy things I can't afford. I want a new car, a GPS tracker thingy for new said car, a Fancy watch (Gucci or Cartier), Chance by Chanel, and some clothes from work (don't worry I have a list so you know which ones I want). I think if everyone got together we could get that car.

Thought 2: I know it may not be the coolest thing ever, but I love Harry Potter. I got it via mail on Saturday and began to read it that afternoon. In less than 24 hours it was finished. I probably read for around 9 hours or so. And I must say I was very happy. Everything happened just as it needed to. But I still have a few questions. Most notably without giving too much away... who becomes the new headmaster at Hogwarts? I need to know. Why didn't she tell me this important bit of information?

Thought 3: I'm running late to class.

Thought 4: I just found out that I was supposed to go to work on Sunday and I didn't go. I actually thought I had the day off. I told her I needed that day off, and when I glanced at the schedule I didn't see that I was scheduled. I'm a little upset about it actually. I don't know what to do. The manager is new, and her schedule was sloppy. Bad combination. Should I remind her that I asked for Sunday off? And that she needs to learn to call my cell phone. Grrr.

The One Where Kali Has A Birthday

Ok People. It's that time of year again! I'm having a birthday!
The year of being 21 was not bad. But, I have a great feeling about being 22. Graduation, graduation, jobs, graduation. Believe it or not... this is all going to happen the year of my 22nd year of life. To celebrate this, I'm thinking we should all send me gifts. Not asking for much. Still want my penguin, I want a chaise lounger, a long flowy gown to lay on my chaise lounger in, a boy to fan me while feeding me grapes. Oh, and Chance by Chanel. That way I'll smell nice throughout all of this.

I'm still waiting on my surprise birthday party. Pretty sure I've been asking for one since I was 9. People, I think it's time to step it up. I'm Turing 22 and I want my surprise party! You have 10 days to organize, hire a magician and get an ice-sculpture of me. I don't like chocolate, so no chocolate cake please. Cheesecake with raspberry sauce on the side- yes, please.

If you can't make it to my party (which Krys- I might have to put you in charge of), feel free to send me a gift and card. I'll still send you a nice thank you card.

Woo- it's my birthday!

Alright. As of this moment it is not letting me create a title. Not sure why... blogger is fickle I suppose. That's alright- we all deserve our PMS moments. Otherwise, I would title this one "The One Where Kali Gets A Cat."

Yes, it's true. I'm getting a little kitten. It followed Mom home one day while she was walking the dogs, and I decided to keep it.

While this little guy to your left is not my kitten, mine looks something like this. But smaller... he's weighing in at a whopping 2 pounds. Now, my dilemma is what to name him (FYI, the vet checked and it is for sure a him. A him with a very bad case of ear mites though, poor guy.). So, after ruling out Dinky (my Dad had an orange tabby when I was born named Dinky, so that's just what I imagined them all to be names) and K.C. (short for kitty cat), I'm back at the drawing board. My mom has suggested the following:

Igby- after my favorite movie's lead character

Kitler- cause it's just funny

Leo the Lion, Leo for short- cause I'm a leo, and it makes him sound awful fierce

And then, from my favorite comic "Get Fuzzy" Bucky Katt has a few friends with interesting names. Not sure I want to name my cat one of these per se... but I'll put them up for auction as well.

Meowssolini

Ghengis Khat

Cattila the Runt

Feral Catsro

So, I need your help good people. Name my cat!

The One Where Kali Grows Up and Freaks Out

While at work today, Dillards was having an additional 30% off all on sale merchandise. Being a fake employee at Dillards (BCBG is a leased shop inside of Dillards and is an independent store -much like the USA- although the information goes through all of Dillards computers- much like Guam.) I get the allotted employee discount- 25%. But what is so wonderful is the fact that I will get the item for its sale price (Say $50... like my new shoes) and then it goes down 30% ($35 for you non mental math kids) and then I get my other discount (now a glorious $25).

So what's my problem? This is a steal for shoes originally $115. Well, my horoscope told me not to go on a shopping spree... although my new shoes and sunglasses told me otherwise. It told me that my finances would thank me later.

Well its later and I'm freaking out.

I'm moving to a new apartment. Glorious apartment mind you. But an apartment that will cost a little over half a thousand dollars a month (Not as fancy sounding as half a million dollars, but let's face it- I'm poor and half a thousand dollars still sounds impressive to me). Then I will have to get internet and cable. Preferably a bundle deal, cause those seem like fun. And I have a strange feeling that I will be in charge of my phone soon. Not glorious... but not too surprising really. Then there is the electricity and water. I may never turn my A/C on- out of fear no doubt.

You see- normally I'm able to work basically full-time during the summer. This is my time of saving for the year to come. Yet, this summer I am taking 17 hours of stupid school. So, I'm averaging 2 days a week at $8.50 an hour with a hour drive. That's not a good outlook for my bank account. That's basically keeping me even with what I spend. And I shop to make me happy. It's better for my liver I figure.

Then we have to deal with taxes. Something so scary and foreign to me that I would stomp on it and douse it in Raid and light it on fire with a blowtorch if it were a cockroach.

So we come to the next paragraph in which I consider selling my body. But I don't think Cliff (or my mom) would like that too much.

So I guess I need a new job... one that pays $18 and hour. I have my eye on the said part-time job, and will apply tomorrow. Right after I take my summer 1 final and right before I go to my $8.50 gig and look at purses.

That's why I have decided to start a "Help the Poor of Denton: The Kali Flewellen Story" or HPD:KFS for short. You can send your check (or cheque if you are Canadian... I'll take your money also) to a post office box and shortly thereafter receive a personalized thank-you card with maybe a drawing or two to lift your spirits.

Curse my horoscope. Look at what it started.

Stupid School

Here's my little story:

At the beginning of Summer I, I went out and bought a very exciting school book: American Government: Continuity and Change. A very exciting book as many of you may know. But probably not because Texas likes to make people take a Texas/American Government class- something Arkansas strangely does not offer.

Well, I paid the very exciting price of $57 and some cents to this great book's cause. I felt glorified for doing so. Today, when I went to turn the book back in, before I could even get to the counter the mean, uncaring buy-back girl stopped me and said,

"We are discontinuing that edition. We can only give you a dollar for it."
"But I just bought it 2 weeks ago for $57."
"Yeah, that sucks."

That girl is so observant. That does suck. A whole dollar! That package of gum I've been eyeing for so long now is finally mine!

Kali's Top Movies

I think everyone has this list. A list of personal favorite movies, many of which you realize might not be very good, but you love anyways. Some of your movies may actually be good movies. The rules to the list are as follows:
1. Think of all the movies you have seen in your lifetime.
2. Organize the movies on a numerical list, with 1 being the best and decreasing from there.
3. That's really all the rules I can think of at this point.

But actually right now I can't think of all the movies I've ever seen. And I'm having a hard time deciding where Mary Poppins and Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion should go. Those are both some great movies. Then there is Igby Goes Down and Almost Famous. And what about Love Actually? I can see that I have some really rough decisions ahead of me. I ask you all to pray for me.

And please forgive me for getting your hopes up and letting you down without my complete list. I will, at some time in the future, post my list of best movies. Make sure you come back everyday in eager anticipation.

The One Where Kali Has A Sit-Com

I was thinking earlier this evening, what would my life be like if I had my own sitcom?

Although I don't have a name I'm thinking of going with the concept of "That Girl." (Honestly, I have never seen this oldie, but I think the title is fitting. So, here are my ideas:

Theme Song- "Bitch" (This will update the "That Girl" concept into modern times)
Characters- Me. Ideally me with Jennifer Aniston's body. My boobs, my hair and maybe Reese Witherspoon's nose. I would be so hot.
Gay Best Friend (otherwise referred to as GBFF)- I am currently casting this role. But I need one who will gossip and shop with me, but not mind being in the background. This is not an ensemble show.
Girl BFF (although the letters are the same, not to be confused with GBFF, but will be called Girl)- I have some options for this role. I need someone who is cute, but won't deflect my charm. Smart but not nerdy, and most of all- in love with Chai's.
Others- I'm thinking I would like it if Jason Schwartzman could be my boyfriend and Hugh Laurie could play my grumpy next door neighbor.

The plot would revolve around my crazy antics and how my friends and I plot to get me out of sticky situations. There would be drama, but ultimately it would be a comedy. Maybe I could get caught up in some crazy semi-dangerous drug scheme. Or some mafia ploy to regain NJ from Tony Soprano (I don't think he died, FYI). I'd like a good laugh track maybe. Oh! Or what about these crazy moroccan singers who pop up and sing a funny song with good advice that I won't follow until the end of the episode. Maybe I would solve a mystery or two like Nancy Drew, but not the Hardy Boys. I never liked them. I did however like the Boxcar Children. Wouldn't it be funny if one of them followed me home one day and I tried to adopt it but Hugh wanted it more, so I was just its mentor?

Yes, this is my new fall back game plan. That way I could finance my other fall back life plan of moving to Barcelona and live on the beach and wear a sarong and sell puka shell necklaces on the beach while living in my A frame house with a parrot outside. My parrot will say funny things at times.

Ahh, life is sweet.
cue ending song- something sweet and resolving.

The One Where Kali Starts A Grown Up Blog

Hello dear readers! It's so good to see you again. As I begin this journey I'd like to road map it a bit for you à la syllabus style.

The Great Kali Llama Blog

Kali Jo Flewellen

Summer 1 and beyond

Office/Office hours: My room most likely at night

Textbook requirements: none, but I would advise you all to read Woodrow Wilson and the Great Betrayal. Not because it is good, but because I had to in a real class.

Course objectives: 1. Get in my mind and try to figure me out because Lord knows I can't. 2. We will discuss my daily activities and love affairs for many things like Friends, raspberries, shoes and money. 3. Vent my frustrations to the world and hope they respond (hint hint).

Grades: This course will be graded on a point system. Rather simple really, you buy me things, leave me fun comments, cuddle with me or otherwise show that you love me- you really love me and I'll give you points. An "A" has never been so simple.

Syllabus is subject to change at my discretion.

So, sit back and enjoy. Grab a bottle of red (or a bottle of white, your choice although my track record might insinuate that I prefer the other) and enjoy my anecdotes and leave a anecdote or two yourself. Have a nice day dear readers.