Work Posts!

So I'm posting at work, which I have previously abstained from... since I don't want to get fired, but let's be honest- I spend a lot of time on other sites and have made it this far. Let's hope the boss doesn't google "the great kali llama" and finds this little piece of evidence!

But I have an issue with something: anything that reaffirms why a girl doesn't have a boyfriend.

I'm talking about all those "bumper stickers" and "flair" on facebook, all the avatars and signatures people have in forums. I have pulled a small sampling for you, then we shall move on to my rant.

Small Sampling:
Rant: Honestly hon? I think it's you. I think they see this and mark you as crazy and move on to an uncrazy girl. All this is, is an excuse as to why you are still single.
"Hey desperate girl, why don't you have a boyfriend?" "Oh, it's not me, it's their stupid boy penises." or "Oh, they think they aren't good enough for me."

Right, all the boys on the planet got together and decided you were SOOO amazing that they would form a club to honor you instead. I bet this is why you don't get any flowers either.

Thankfully, some girls like to clarify their desperation with this:

Ahh, now I understand. A nice, man of God won't do. Noooo- you want the sexy ones. Hon, I seriously doubt that the Chip-n-Dale dancers are too religious.

Friends, I know you. I know why you are still single. I have one friend who isn't dating right now as she gets her life and career in place- good for her. She doesn't blame it on not yet finding that sexy man of God who also thinks he's good enough for you.

Conclusion: When you have these types of things littering your online profiles, you are saying "I'm single and I don't know why! Maybe someone will believe this sticker! There, THAT shows THEM!"

Unless you and we as the collective public are as delusional as she is thinking that sash really hides her hips and thunder thighs, then no. We don't believe you. Wash that desperation off and start again.

If You Give A Mouse A Cookie... He's Going to Want A Pair of Shoes

So I'm baking cookies to take to work. As we speak my forth batch is sizzling away.

Sadly, my batches have had some uphill battles thus far.

I started and I wanted to make some white chocolate chip with craisons cookies. I'm adding in my flour mixture and the mixer honestly COUGHS it back up.

::COUGH::WHITE CLOUD::DAMN, I JUST CLEANED UP MY LAST SPILL::COUGH::

Then I forgot when to add the eggs in, so I called Mom and she told and my cookies were safe. Whew, wish my counter could say the same thing- cracking the egg in the flour mixture coughed up on the counter made a lovely paste, just in case you were wondering

I thought this would be it. I thought I wouldn't have any issues with proper cookie sizes. Apparently I love HUGE cookies that fall off the cookie sheet and run into other cookies (these cookies never learned about personal space).

In case you were wondering the main problem with BIG cookies is it's very hard to cook them all the way through without burning them.
So the first batch is undercooked with hard edges.
The second is almost black- but came off the cookie sheet ok... first batch wanted to stay on the sheet.
The third batch I made smaller (finally) and it came out decent. Best yet for sure... then whilst transferring the cookies from the cookie sheet to the box I'm going to take them in ::BAM:: it fell on the floor.

I picked it up, brushed it off and put it in the box! I didn't have enough pretty ones to lose one to the floor!

Report: I just got my forth batch out- burned. again. this is friggin unreal.

I'm working on my fifth batch right now- it only has 3 cookies on it. Hopefully 1 can turn out decent.

My co-workers are going to think I'm a terrible cook who burns her cookies! That's not the kinda thing you want your co-workers thinking about your cookies!

"Kali, she's the kind of girl who can bake a mean batch of cookies. And we love her shoes!"